beautifool loves

as the beautiful love story walked it lines, something tells her that she's not her. but before she started realizing it, the story had already ended. there's no restarting to read the books again, once it's touched, it's unreadable anymore. thoughts of making her hates him, thoughts of making him look awful, the thoughts which he thought would make it easier for her to leave&just move on with her life. unfortunately, it's just making it hard for her. hateness might grows but wound will get deeper&love will not disappear that easy. Is it that hard to share his hardship with her? big applaud to him for letting her hates him. applaud for the success of him doing this. another chapter of the beautifool story. it's not going to be the same anymore. she might wait, she might not. he might wait, he might not. that's the fears trembling inside her. fears of falling is even more, falling to far&might be the same old love story. Trust is another side chapter. It's already hard to build the trust. no one could be trusted anymore. they asked "do you trust it?" there's no definite answer for it. too many time being fooled by him. She don't have the trust towards him anymore. she's so sorry for that, she do hope it won't happen. but it had happen. he might not be reading all her stories, that's why she's writing it. story is just another inspiration, another dreams, another tracks. the moment she thought it already flew away, somehow the wind blows even harder. somehow don't her to let the memories to be let go. she could smile, she could laugh, she could hates, she could act normal as possible, but inside the heart is screaming for a way out. out from the cage. she would never be her, she would never replace her. it's just her.her.her. sleepless night takes over mind. nightmares haunting the mind. she don't know how to write the ending for this chapter. there will be another chapter. an endless beautifool story. the story will just be hang here. :)

center of attention//happy birthday carol :)

whatever it is, I got a brainfreeze now.gah!started with chemistry-biology&&it started making me stress already. How am I going to face next year big thinggy? bang! :) another changed plan. no twilight for today. :'( but I went out for awhile with Hazel, makan pizza. yummy. I stalked her for that 3 hours&omygawd. She's so lawak lar. Hates her own boyfriend. Hated her own friends. Backstabbing each other. lalalalala~ Me&Ameera keep on commenting about it. Gah, typical kadazan look? So what are you?? you got so many types of blood in you, sampai bingung suda what are you? :) You got his photo in your blog, but he don't even know you, even your sister. Ketara stalker. :) kononlah you know everbody. lalala~ you yourself are a malay, but you being racist about malay. magad magad. you twisted all the story there&makes it's not your fault. meow! who's barking now? rawr. :) yalah, kau everything lah kan? let it be lar. racist? gah, go lar you tinggal at America. tengok who is who racist there. :)

polka dot is love//happy birthday bestfriendku ANN

exactly 12:00 am, I called her&when she answer "happy birthday to you~ makan ubi kayu~ you live in a zooOoo~ happy birthday to you!!!" yes,she's my love. I called her&sang that to her. bitch her say "I wish you are my boyfriend" haha. x) well, if me I would also hope too. you too right? *wink

I slept to much today, like whoah. Hazel my anak so kesian also, macam I want to go&punch punch his face oh when he did that. aih.ugh.rawr! I need my sewing machine right now! I can't stand on just sewing it with my hand. hmmpph~ oh ya, it's my polka-dot mini tube dress. already had that cloth for so long, but only me who lazy to start anything. well, I'm hoping to wear it on christmas. haha x) I don't like all the people around me now, so effin sarcastic. the blur conversation&face they made. I don't like talking to blur people, it make me so panas thinking how they are not concentrating in my conversation. learn my language please!? x)  

went out dinner for awhile, just us 3. me,dady,jr. eat bak kut teh. yummy-DELECIOOUSSS-so :) at home, for some weird reason I started to open my books. feeling kinda stress imagining how my SPM could be. ugh ugh ugh!!! I haven't yet recovered all my form4 topic&now form5 topic will surely kill me. raaawwwrr. watched "The Nanny Diaries". so ciaoss smexaay! xoxo :)

kawaii x'mas

Stamina ain't that high anymore. Trauma from the last injury incident still stuck inside of me. Never thought it will last that long. Looking forward for the checking of it next week. aiks, can't believe this. But it surely won't stop me from dancing. :) I'm in my neverland for 4 straight hours after work out. the heavy rock stucked inside my head after waking up&the whole thing look spinning. :0 people in the house is killing me softly. "don't you dare to give me another sarcastic words or looks of yours, enough is enough" :@ So, on Saturaday going to hang out&watch Twilight with Ameera, can't wait. :) My nails is way too weird right now, but I'm loving it. gaga x) My appetite is halfly back right now, so how I feel not happy about it. I feel fat right now. rawr.

the boy&the girl fought again. the girlfriend is so nice&chooses not to get involved or ask anything to her boyfriend. but why the both of them can't stop fighting? the girl sent the message to the girlfriend with all the sharply hurting word. sometimes the girl is so overeacting about the boy&now the girlfriend is the victim. so complicated to know the real feeling of the girl. bestfriend-ism of the boy&girl is kinda twisting&the girlfriend is born to be so BLUR.but she's still my love. :) (tia&ryu I think you'll get this)

went to Sharene house for awhile bcz her mom(aunty rite) is having her birthday party. so we had a lil bit of sparkling wine, lamb chop and Eguitar. Dady keep on calling to ask us to go home. so that's all for today. smexaaay chowness. :)

LOL!

Murid : Selamat pagi, cikgu.

Cikgu : (Menengking) Mengapa selamat pagi sahaja? Petang dan malam awak doakan saya tak selamat?

Murid : Selamat pagi, petang dan malam cikgu!

Cikgu : Panjang sangat! Tak pernah dibuat oleh orang! Kata selamat sejahtera! Senang dan penuh bermakna. Lagipun ucapan ini meliputi semua masa dan keadaan.

Murid : Selamat sejahtera cikgu!

Cikgu : Sama-sama, duduk! Dengar sini baik-baik. Hari ini cikgu nak uji kamu semua tentang perkataan berlawan. Bila cikgu sebutkan perkataannya, kamu semua mesti menjawab dengan cepat, lawan bagi perkataan-perkataan itu, faham?

Murid : Faham, cikgu!

 

Cikgu : Saya tak mahu ada apa-apa gangguan.

Murid : (senyap)

Cikgu : Pandai!

Murid : Bodoh!

Cikgu : Tinggi!

Murid : Rendah!

Cikgu : Jauh!

Murid : Dekat!

Cikgu : Keadilan!

Murid : UMNO!

Cikgu : Salah!

Murid : Betul!

Cikgu : Bodoh!

Murid : Pandai!

Cikgu : Bukan!

Murid : Ya!

Cikgu : Oh Tuhan!

Murid : Oh Hamba!

Cikgu : Dengar ini!

Murid : Dengar itu!

Cikgu : Diam!

Murid : Bising!

Cikgu : Itu bukan pertanyaan, bodoh!

Murid : Ini ialah jawapan, pandai!

Cikgu : Mati aku!

 

Murid : Hidup kami!

Cikgu : Rotan baru tau!

Murid : Akar lama tak tau!

Cikgu : Malas aku ajar kamu!

Murid : Rajin kami belajar cikgu!

Cikgu : Kamu gila!

 

Murid : Kami siuman!

 

Cikgu : Cukup! Cukup!

Murid : Kurang! Kurang!

Cikgu : Sudah! Sudah!

Murid : Belum! Belum!

Cikgu : Mengapa kamu semua bodoh sangat?

Murid : Sebab saya seorang pandai!

Cikgu : Oh! Melawan!

 

Murid : Oh! Mengalah!

 

Cikgu : Kurang ajar!

Murid : Cukup ajar!

Cikgu : Habis aku!

Murid : Kekal kami!

Cikgu : O.K. Pelajaran sudah habis!

Murid : K.O. Pelajaran belum bermula!

Cikgu : Sudah, bodoh!

 

Murid : Belum, pandai!

Cikgu : Berdiri!

Murid : Duduk!

Cikgu : Saya kata UMNO salah!

Murid : Kami dengar KeADILan betul!

Cikgu : Bangang kamu ni!

Murid : Cerdik kami tu!

Cikgu : Rosak!

Murid : Baik!

Cikgu : Kamu semua ditahan tengah hari ini!

Murid : Dilepaskan tengah malam itu!

Cikgu : (Senyap dan mengambil buku-bukunya keluar.)

mike malcom

hot anak&hot mama. :) Tia, can u see my highlight now? :P 

"yoga diharamkan dalam Islam" owh wow. another shitness.no offense people.it's just they banned it because yoga kind of 'sembah berhala'. lol.

Photoshoot project is going to be next week. yay :) looking forward to it.

Cannot go for the sleepover at Hazel tomorrow because dady is only going back from Keningau on Friday. hmmppph. :'( next time lar, I want to take picture with a kawaii pose with my red kawaii xmas hat. gagaga. 

Stomach ache kills! rawr rawr rawr. 

So okey, Sharene just got me there. Sent me that sms&I though it was real. Fooled my self. LOLNESS x) jahat oh her. "Kau ada baca habis ka tu sms?" wtfm. hahahahaha. 

Brandon&Bryan. My beloved unlovely cousin is going back this friday. I miss them so much. Everytime they are here, I'm busy la, tralalalala~ Now I'm not gonna miss it. :) Christmas time here is what I'm interested to do&no Tia it's not too early for X'mas. Can you feel santa is coming? nyenyenyek. x)

I love the forwarded message from him. :) I would only forward it back to him. :) lalala~ I'm getting crazy.

phat is the smexy

hello smexy :)

dady woke me up early in the morning, he's going to Keningau for a few days for some kursus stuff. Talking about Keningau, I miss that place so much. Never thought that I've spent my whole 12 years of my life there. Ever since my family&I moved to KK, we especially me&mumy hardly visited there. I'm sorry to my friends there if you guys thought I might had forgotten you all. Well, that's definitely a N and an O. I remember you all my deareesst friends. 6 years bah we together. Even if I went to Keningau&some of you pass by my car I still recognize you all. Only you all don't recognize me. :'( Feels like shouting your name but sayang, the time is not right. Anne, I miss you oh! I miss everything we had been through there together. but I don't miss the time we had our big fight. That fight was a nightmare to me. x) I love you anne! muah!

so I went to the bank in the afternoon. Stupid incident make myself kuyak, gaga. Well, I forgot that the bank which I AM IN THAT TIME is BSN when i turned out to think that it is ASB(which is not a bank,it's an account only,i forgot). With a high confident I went to the counter&take the slip to take money. But, when I started to look through the name kan it written there "BANK SIMPANAN NASIONAL". People are waiting to take their turn behind me, but me? Sambil kasi tebal my muka, turn back&go get numbers.LOLNESS! nasib they didn't realize what's wrong with me. haha. x)

Went to Asia City for awhile to meet Hazel. Hazel bitch! I love you juga bah~ :) I like wearing that "tudung" wtf. gagaga~ so I met her awhile&terus balik rumah. Mumy !@#$% sudah cause I melencong go tempat lain.LOL. I need to get out from the house too, stucked there is a nightmare.

I like doing my kind of crime, I like surprises&doing surprises, I like everything that I did. && I like mr.fugly. :)

saya support(SOME) Malaysian movie//musics!!!

yes. a new movie coming out. but i don't know when lar this. the story maybe abit cliche but at least Malaysian Movie coming up with something different right? that's why the old pimbikin filem have to be dump&welcome the new generation. :) K.A.M.I the movie is one of my fav too. haha. although I din't get to watch it but watching the trailers stuff stuff stuff. it seems an O and a K to me. *wink. 

another cinderella story

SMEXY!lolness. that word suddenly crossed my mind. gaga. so what did I do today? CINDERELLA! :) cleaned up my parents&my room. everything that "I THINK" is useless, PIAK! Threw it away. even those magazine&stuff stuff stuff etc.etc.etc. :P Cleaning my parents room is totally-yolly exhausting. so well, to kill my boredom in only cleaning the room, I turned on the CHRISTMAS SONGSSS~ haha. now that smexy. :D took some shoots too while cleaning. ideas just came out like a storm. :) while clicking clicking on the button. I found a new Disney movie, "Another Cinderella Story" downloaded it&&finding out is it another HSM like for me to laugh. so bitch oh me. haha.

I'm short, my belly is a jelly-o, my leg is calleliittes-o, my muscle is big. lolness oh. now I feel SHORT&TAGAP&FAT at the same time. oh-MAMAMIA! 

night, me&dady went out to but some groceries. suddenly kan, I saw this one curled hair girl with a blond hair girl. like I know lah! !@#$%^& JAEDA!!!!!!! hahaha. I don't know why I'm so happy, LOLNESS. Kitai oh Jaeda, hahaha. She shout to her sister "BERNARD EX BAH NI" sial ko Jae. Nasib my dady didn't hear. :D I still love you. MUAH! x)  so like usual me&dady always go cari makanan&minuman but must kasih habis in the car. we've been doing this for a few weeks sudah. Diabetic lar nie lama-lama. CHOI! x)

watched the "Another Cinderella Story" movie. dayeem. it's so different from another the other cinderella version. hhhmmph. kasi 3 1/2 star lar. at least not like HSM with all the gay songs. no offense ar others. x)

another version of cinderella "Another Cinderella Story"

Joey&Mary

go for the joy, lalala~

whole new one

knock knock!wall-e reporting.

im loving my new life right now yes, no regrets loves. for the love&unloved. it's all history. when mr.fugly came&cheer me up. yeap, he cheered me. that kiddo really got that superpower. but no, i don't want it to happen. it's just not a possible thing to happen again. I just wants it to be the same forever. the same with every jokes&laughthers. :) imma superdhupeergirl. <3

tick-tock-tick-tack! time surely fly off that fast. now christmas is what im waiting for. 

all i want for christmas is youuuu~

there's no you this time. all I want for christmas is fun,enjoyment&relaxation. after all what had happened this year, it tought me many&great lessons. i won't be repeating the same stupidity again. what's done,is done.  rawr. I already get over it bah, no worries. thanks for you-know-who which always stand by my sides. I realize that you guys are my oxygen &&my mom too. (: fugly<3,ameera,izah,hazel,malina,cathaline,corine&&not> i love you guyss!

PHOTOSHOOT PROJECT by me is coming up. for some old lame reason. IM BORED BAH!

p.s. changed my email already.the old one is so gay. please ask me if you want it. *wink.

take me closely to the burning heat of your body.feels the touch of the skin lingering on yours.as the lips touched.you now that I'm drowning to the love of yours.

go for the joy, lalala~

scream to the high desire of him

does it really feels like heaven to them?

humans covering their face with oh-so-beautiful mask of them. the unexpected lies came out&the truths was revealed. pornography. yes, he is watching pornography. you can be one of 'he'. all this while the mask had covered him from the high desire. the desire for their selfishness. pornography watched among 'he' might be normal. but he is just 14. what a small number. maybe he even started from the number 12 or 13. people never know. watching it among 'he' might be normal. but he SUBSCRIPTED it. it's that a normal thing for the number 14? ask the number 14. the noises there always been saying what a good-nice-oh-so-perfect guy 14 is. but the noises never knew the real number 14. what a high ego-istic the number 14 had. &&the number 14 will never know how much noise is never what the number 14 expecting. the noise hates the number 14. what a different world color of the noises between him. every humas had their own mask. it depends how they use the mask. porno is killing teens nowadays. teens is killing themselves with it. 

go for the joy, lalala~

im in love for the tomorrow boy

oopshy.wat chu looking at amigos?got a problem with me?rawr.

run away from home&I did another crime.no they don't know.because it's a crime of mine.yes,I don't care.because I'm loving it.kan traficlight hair? (:

 

so I curi-curi keluar when I was suppose to take care of mummy. lol. but aunty let me go. I only said to aunty *saya keluar kijap ar~* with a widee smile. so here I come chili sauce hair!!!!!! YAY~ dupdapdupdap.

SMS - If I saw him at KL kan.Totally ruin my holiday oh! *SJ

I went around&arond Central Plaze there. searching for the murah tempat highlight a.k.a. saloon place. FAST FORWAAAAARDD I'm sitting on the chair of a saloon with a REAALLLLY LOUD music from the jamming place. do they know that their voice so suckkie? nyanyi I WILL FOLLOW YOU again+tonedeaf. I kesian oh the aunty&jiejie yang kerja there. (: so get to my crime case. that jiejie suggest I do 2 color.so ya, I ask her to do only lar.for that  1 1/2 hour. I was sms-ing with him. aw! adorable oh him. gila, I can't fall for him. surely a N and an O. budak bah itu.ngok.

my hair turn out to be so BATU!AWESOME!I LIKE LAH!!!!!.

that jie jie buat lawak with me. jiejie//me

jiejie: adik.ko maw buat highlight green lagi ka?

me: har?kenapa?

jiejie: boleh jadi traffic light oh kau punya rambut! hahahahhaa. atas merah tengah kuning. tambah hijau jadi trafficlight.

me: wtf.hahahhaa.tiapaya. hahahhaa.lawak.

&& we both start making joke of it. LOL-ness.

so I emo alone at Central P there. I bought 3 new tops. nice. rm6 /one only. hooiiish.terus me tarik three luuurr~ hahahhahaa. x) Dady called & asked me to wait at Central P only.saya laaapaar.so MAKHHaaAAan~

*dady takazut tengok my hair. 

no one knows yang I plan to do this crime today&I passed. eseeehmaan.

go for the joy, lalala~

she messed it up

Unbeautiful

Don’t hang up can we talk
So confused it’s like I’m lost
What went wrong what made you go
Don’t pretend you don’t know
This is me
I’m unchangeable

When did we fall apart
Or did you lie from the start
When you said it’s only you
I was blind such a fool
Thinking we
We’re unbreakable

It was you and me against the world
And you promised me forever more
Was it something that I said
Was it something that I did
Cause I gotta know
What made me Unbeautiful?

I've been told what's done is done
To let it go and carry on
Deep inside I know that's true
I'm stuck in time, stuck on you
We were still untouchable

Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up
Cause I'm only dreaming
Get out, get out, get out, get out
Get out of my head now
Because we're much better altogether

.........................................................................

&& she started crying again.tried so  hard to cover, to fight for it.but somehow it find a way out from the eye.she just can't understand why this is happening.something which make her feel unbeautiful inside.

go for the joy, lalala~

because she's not me

sometimes is just wrong to move from where you are standing. when you realise that it's just not easy to go on. it's just the fear struggling to run away from your mind&soul. no, you don't have to do all this. the problem is just you being so dumbfull in trusting the life-fantasy so much. forever or for-never. now that's the question. as tears refuse to flow, mind refuse to think, nerve refuse to respond, minds refuse to think, as joy refuse to show. emotion is living hardly in the body of yours. confusion is what you are thinking all day. they say things happen for a reason. find a space for the words of it. the past is your fantasy-land. the now is your real life standing in the ground which is truly meant to be yours. growing up is a mountain that you should climb. that's the life. it's hard.it's easy. stop questioning. just follow to the story line.  :)

yellow pages

go out with J.*canceled

sedih. :'(

eeeee.you watch porno!

so desperate juga oh you!

yeeerrr! never thought you like that!

yeeerrr! what happen oh!

mygod!umur kau masih ** lagi oh!

mygod!saya kasitau your mummy.

so mom was admited at the wad again.

blood pressure getting higher&higher.

so have to send her to PCU.

*mengantuk.

go for the joy, lalala~

missing the two J

JERIANNE BANNIE KULAI!

imy. :'(

macam mana ko boleh jumpa blog saya?

mesti dari Dina ni kan? x)

BAH, the other J. see you tomorrow. gimme my present. *sniff 

Because I'm enjoying the game so much.Till I can't stop playing it over&over again.

kan Hazel? (:

Okey, I was totally freak out today.

Mummy punya hands and legs turn to PURPLE-ish BLACK.

LIKE SHIT. siapa tidak panic?

Because me tiba-tiba got that flash back one of the HOUSE series.

yang the one the patient punya whole body DARAH BEKU that one.

WHOOOOoooShhh~

terus me ikut macam Dr.House konon.

I ask my both aunty to go & gosok gosok mummy punya tangan&kaki.

me rush rush rush go&take towel rendam with air panas.

terus go&kasi warm mummy punya badan.watsoever lar.

nasib got okey sikit after that.

NOW CALL ME DR.LUCYNDA BAM BAM.

because imma sex for you oh guitar.

cousins come with their electric guitar.oh-usshh.thats what i've been dreaming to have now.the sounds of it make me go WOW.like shit.so we went to parking down the house because bising if main at the house.i kunun-kunun jadi rockstar playing there waving my head.wwuuueng wuuueenng wuueeenng.well maybe the guitar sounds something like that.hahahhahhaa.

so then dady came.takazut him got electric guitar.so we both did a duet.not only a.but banyak.im so thankful lar got dady yg boleh buat duet sama saya.esehmaaaannnn.hahhahahhaa. x) saya sinta kau dady!oh yeah.i already rakam my new songs.punya main banyak nyamuk that time. but then me tahan oni.LOL.at night the house turn into a jamming place when my uncles came again.syok oh!but lake of one thing.DRUMeerr.ish.nanti la Junior jadi drummer.hahahhaaha.so coollllll~

band kuno. x)
sherreenne.si pantat kiut oh.saya suka!
a duet for you is a must.
someday i'll be upthere while you'll be turning down.

go for the joy, lalala~